Charlotte’s first book The Adventures of the Immortal Zombie Girl is now on sale and you can order a print copy here: Amazon- Zombie Girl
Anyone who does read it, I hope you enjoy our first adventure and please write an honest review on the book’s Amazon page. Thanks and blessings to everyone.
It’s that time of year again, kids. It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas and you know what that means; Krampus is in town again and he’s looking for naughty kids. In today’s live fast, die young culture… let’s face it, we’re all naughty. So it’s important that you have the knowledge you need to survive Krampusnacht. He’s sure to be extra active this year with a whole movie coming out about him. So here’s everything you’ll ever need to know about the dreaded Anti-Claus:
HISTORY: Krampus is a demon hailing from Haedis, the 7th circle of Hell. He’s also known as Black Peter, Rample, Charampath, the Goat of Orcus, and the Black Scapegoat. He is the twin brother of Azazel the Red Scapegoat. Krampus is one of the Unbound Forty which means that, since he was among the 40 demons not in the Underworld at the time it was sealed, he’s pretty much free to roam around as he pleases, unrestrained by transdimensional law.
MOTIVATION: A Fallen Angel, Krampus suffers from the same delusion several demons share; a Salvation Complex. He follows the coattails of Saint Nicholas in a misguided crusade to punish the wicked, as if doing so will somehow expunge his own sins and aright his record with Heaven. He is called the Black Scapegoat because the punishment he deals out to naughty children is really an effort to project his own misdeeds onto others to put his own twisted mind at ease.
APPEARANCE: Krampus appears as a goat-like monster with large curved horns, black fur and large, tusk-like teeth protruding from his lower jaw. He stands over seven feet tall (hunched over and not counting horns) and he covers his twisted form beneath a red, fur-trimmed coat similar to one worn by Saint Nicholas, but tattered and covered in volcanic ash. He carries iron chains with shackles and barbs and you can always hear the ringing of his Black Iron bells.
TRADITION: On December 5th, the Eve of Saint Nicholas Day, the generous saint was known to visit homes, bearing gifts for good children. Behind him stalked Krampus with chains and switches. As time went by, Saint Nicholas relocated his visit to Christmas Eve, while Krampus continues to emerge from his volcanic lair beneath Mount Elbrus every December 5th which is still called Krampusnacht.
POWERS AND ARMAMENTS: Like all demons, Krampus possesses considerable supernatural power. As one of the Unbound Forty, his power has fewer limitations than demons who exist in our world only as spirits. Aside from superhuman strength and vitality, Kramus enjoys a sixth sense that allows him to hone in on evil and find those who perpetrate it. Though he normally concentrates on the actions of youths, he has been known to appear to unscrupulous adults as well. Hailing from the Valley of Orcus, Krampus is inclined toward fire magic and can conjure flames at will. His hooves are shod in Black Felmarian Iron and can crush stone. He is armed with switches for minor offenders (ranging from simple light reeds to barbed rods depending on the deserved punishment) and, for more egregious offenders, heavy Black Iron chains and hooks. Children he deems especially deserving of punishment and hearty enough for work, he chains up and places in his sack, carrying them off to Mount Elbrus. There he puts them to hard labor in his fiery foundries, building weapons and infernal devices for the inevitable return of his diabolical brothers and sisters.
DEFENSE: Krampus has only three true weaknesses. 1: Mistletoe. the demon is particularly repelled by the scent of this little holiday plant which has come to be a symbol of love. Like garlic and wolfsbane for the Vampire and the Werewolf, mistletoe is a proven ward against the Krampus and he will not pass through a hall or doorway where the plant is hanging. Thus it has often been hung in doorways to thwart the demon’s passage into other parts of the house, especially rooms where children sleep. 2: Silver. Like all demons, Krampus is highly allergic to silver. Touching the metal will cause burns, the sight of it blinds, and the sound of silver bells is abhorrent to him. This is why Saint Nicholas decks his sleigh with silver bells whose chimes are noticeably different from the dull gong of Krampus’ own bells of Black Felmarian Iron. 3. Gingerbread Cookies. The tradition of leaving cookies and milk for Santa Clause goes back a long time, but it was originated, not as a gift to Kris Kringle, but a defense against Krampus. Because the demon is inclined to abduct and enslave children to work in his subterranean furnaces and foundries, parents began taking extra measures to defend their own children from the Black Scapegoat. After blocking off the rest of the house with mistletoe, little children made of gingerbread were left in the common room in the hopes of placating Krampus into leaving the home and family unharmed. Supposedly it still works and the demon has been known to settle for gingerbread kids when he can’t get the real deal.
With this information you, too, can be safe this Krampusnacht and keep yourself off this Anti-Claus’ list!
Salsa and Fritos and Chicken and Pizza? No, that’s not right. Score a Football and Catch a Point! Wait… that doesn’t even make sense… Well hopefully you know what SAFACAP stands for by now and you can use those seven magical letters to score big this year. Whether you’re pulling for the Seahawks or Broncos, you know they couldn’t have gotten to the Super Bowl without Strength and Focus and Confidence and Positivity. So don’t let the (insert winning team name here) be the only winners this Sunday!
Any game can be won if you’re Strong and Focused and Confident and Positive, so take control of the board and take control of your life. The word, alone, is worth a good 13 points. Now, the legality of using a made-up word in a game of Scrabble is, of course, debatable. But if anyone has a problem with it, they clearly have not embraced the SAFACAP lifestyle and, therefore, need all the points they can get.
S is for Strong; an unstoppable force
F is for Focused; to stay on the course
C is for Confident; knowing you’re right
P is for Positive; keeping it bright
the A‘s are for And, to link them in kind
Always stay SAFACAP in body and mind
When you’re building with strength, focus, confidence, and positivity you’re building something that will last and, unlike this Lego structure, won’t go to pieces if its knocked off the table.
If you’re having trouble keeping your New Year’s resolution already this might be a helpful thing; seven colorful little letters right on the refrigerator door. Whether you’re resolving to eat less, eat more, eat better or just improve your life seeing these seven letters every day will do a world of good! Stay Strong and Focused and Confident and Positive and there’s no goal you can’t reach!
So here we are saying goodbye to 2013. It’s been a good year for some but for most, I think, 2013’s been a pretty unlucky number. I know a lot of people who personally have had a rough time of things this past year, myself included (and that’s really saying something considering how many hideous monsters tried to kill me last year! Between last Thanksgiving, Hanukkah and Christmas I wasn’t even sure I was going to make it to 2013!) But this year has been… different. I think a lot of us have been going through changes lately and we might be feeling a little lost. We’re all just looking for our niche in life and, even when we think we’ve found it, sometimes we lose sight of it for a while. I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching this past year (and I mean my own soul this time as opposed to my usual job of finding other people’s souls) and, although I don’t think I’ve quite found what I’m looking for yet, I have a feeling it’s just around the corner. So if you’ve been feeling like this has been a year of short straws, unanswered prayers and endless worries, I have good news. In a few hours it will be over forever and a brand new year is already on the horizon. 365 more bright days and 365 more dream-filled nights. 365 wonderful tomorrows. 365 chances to find what we’re all looking for and we will find it if we keep looking. So, to all my friends out there, a very Happy New Year to you and I’ll see you in 2014.
Hope Santa Claus brought you everything you wanted. Personally, all I want are 7 little letters.
